It is the Mother’s Day today; the entire social media walls are flooded with messages flaunting the love people have for their mothers. I do not know about the inception of this day or the history behind an auspicious celebration but what I can say is that this one day has gained ample significance in the recent years. Folks celebrate it in remembrance of the dutiful services of their mothers and to recognize their unconditional love and utterly pure affection.
I was scrolling down my face book newsfeed and the happy faces and those long-short textual posts filled with sweet gratitude grabbed my attention. For a moment, I was lost. Lost somewhere in my past, lost in the dark.
My deep line of thought broke by the interruption caused due to the voice of my roommate who placed a call to her mother in order to wish her. His sugar-coated conversation delighted me always but today it disturbed the peace of my mind. I wanted to escape from this reality. I felt a lump that choked my throat. Soon the atmosphere turned suffocating and I could not breathe properly. I felt dizzy. So, I came out and went around the streets. While I was rambling along the meadows, a thought pierced me. It appeared as if that seed of thought will ruin me. It was not the first time. The fatal thought kept coming to me quite often. A solution to get myself rid of it was elusive. I was terribly chained with my own musings. Those shackles were a blockade in the path I wished to tread to set myself free.
I wanted to sit as my head was getting heavy. I sat on an empty bench and gently closed my eyes. The mind again started to wander. This created a chaos. The swift appearance of my past events hurt me. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes in disbelief. I was all alone and empty within. The solitude is the most faithful friend but at times, even it deceives us. We may conclude that we can vent our pent up emotions by self reflection and free ourselves but then the reality bites us so hard that all we seek is a generous company. I went back to my hostel only to gaze at the cheerful boys enjoying themselves. All of them seem to be happy and here I was surrounded with spites of my despondence.
My roommate noticed that I was not in the present moment. The grief ingrained on my face was clearly visible – to the ones who wanted to peek through the superficial layers and see the hidden things.
Therefore, he took me in a corner, in a secluded area and questioned about what was bothering me so hard. I kept silent and he further prodded.
And suddenly, tears came rolling down my cheeks. The piled up emotions just collapsed. Since childhood I was taught that the boys are not meant to cry. But that day in the heat of the moment I forgot everything. I just wanted to let it go. That was the day I confided in my friend and told him that that my mother left me as soon as I was born. She eloped because she never loved my father. She abandoned me. I was brought up in an orphanage because my father didn’t want to shoulder his responsibilities as well. Since childhood I used to glance at the ecstatic faces of the children revealing in the company of their mothers. How badly I have desired to bask in the love of my mother. I wished that someday she’ll comeback, caress my hairs and sing to me those melodies under the moonlight. She will embrace me and I will be safe under her grip. I used to pray to god to please bestow me with the most valuable and priceless possession – a mother. But my prayers never got answered.
And today when I see others celebrating Mother’s Day; I complain to almighty whether why he kept me aloof from savouring the elixir - a mother’s love.
My friend was stunned hearing this. He wiped my tears and hugged me tightly. Later I talked to her mother and I felt really good. Her gentle words healed me. But yet there is a void that can never me filled.
I still wonder where are you Mom and why and how did you left the child who owe his life to you !!!!!
By Khyati Gautam
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